Remember that time I called ?
I know you don’t, you’re dead, I’m not sure how I feel about that. You have been a blunt emotional cocktail, you’ve never been physically there just mentally and that’s sad for you so far cause you missed out on this fantastic daughter
Let’s get back to that time I called you, a 12 year old girl , excited to know that her current dad isn’t really , and he isn’t as nice .
This 12 year old naive girl, well as naive can be, I’m happy ,yes you’ll love me , you are my father, I’m brilliant, mature ,well mannered, beautiful and I naturally stand out with this yellow yellow skin , you’ll adore me for sure.
But you don’t.
You leave me high and dry and as a mature 12 year old, I’m sad but I know I’ve survived without you in my life, I will survive… ( Still surprised at how mature I was then, of course I become a bit childish as a grown up)
You become history for a while…
Ten years later, you start calling , maybe it’s a guilty conscience … You never said a word you just breath.. and I let you breathe for as long as you want. Then I stopped picking as it’s very creepy behavior. .
After a short while the messages start trickling in +255….. Baba anahitaji 4.5 million… Amegonjeka akalazwa hospitalini.
I’m broke and relieved that I am… It would have been turmoil with my character.
And so I don’t answer.
You died, I receive more messages,
Baba amekufa … Tuko na msiba … Njoo. I still don’t answer.
And your son, my brother, a complete stranger, sends me pictures of you , a dead you. I’m completely offended but I can’t tell anyone either.
But I see you, you are a total stranger to me .. I’m not sad, I can’t feel sad for you. You’re not a part of me really… Just biologically. You impregnated a young naive teenager and left her high and dry also .. and I’m thankful for the contribution that is me.
I forgive you , I might not feel your rejection but it happened before you could even see my brave little face to convince you.
And for that I forgive you.